the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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