If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
