i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
