So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
