We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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