The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
