Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
