Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
