THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
