She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
try to milk me bitch
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