1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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