i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize