Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
