He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I can't turn off my feet"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
My vagina is very pro this idea
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