The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
