just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
