I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
