allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
