Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Randomize
