There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
