I feel like abortions should bother me more
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
So vagazzling was a success
Randomize
