none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
so let's talk penis.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
