Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
