i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
