You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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