I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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