What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
