I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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