I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
