I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
