PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
