when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Randomize