The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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