she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
