hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
