i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
