Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
