U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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