Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
