found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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