It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
