Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
