Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
