chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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