Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize