The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
And the cops told us we were all naked.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
