I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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