I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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