Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
