Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
