My first STD was from a foam party
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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