can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
