How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
