...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
