I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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