mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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