Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
