I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
