found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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