Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
