All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
They took my balls.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Randomize
