So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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