tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
