I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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