I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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