im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
