Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
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