hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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