At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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