its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
