wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Randomize
