We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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