Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
