yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
