I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
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