Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
