it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
What happened to fro yo and sex?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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