i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
