LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
