also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Randomize
