Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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