She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
