I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
