You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
