you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
