I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
