I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
