you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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