I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
