I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
