my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
